nothing new

I feel like last night again. Haven't had any meaningful human contact today. Tried to have dinner with Keri, but she was already going to go with Rhone, so I just had my book and food for company. Haven't seen Faith and Matt since Monday. Maybe I can catch Faith before she gets to Calculus tomorrow, see if I can talk her into coming to Shouse for lunch. I feel like I'm withdrawing from the world...it's like a cycle or something...or perhaps I'm just regressing permanently. Anyways, I feel like cutting, I just can't express my frustration with myself and my life, or lack thereof. I still have my knife here...maybe I'll get on Trillian and see if anyone's on...but can I really burden someone with my problems? It's not like they can fix them...only God can fix them, and it doesn't seem like he's trying too hard at it. Ok, so He doesn't make mistakes. Then, if I'm the way I'm supposed to be, why is He letting my screw myself over in the relationship department? Seriously, I can't really help myself here. Maybe it's just a developmental problem, something I'll grow out of, but as always, I can't look past my current situation. well, I'm talking to keri now, so I'll just go...