trying

to go to bed earlier...like, before midnight. I'm in a situation where I'm not sure what to do...and by the way, this has nothing to do with going to bed earlier. Situation is this: remember Amber? anyways, I did try to talk to her about some of the stuff on her surveys, and she didn't want to talk about them...implying a lack of trust, or just not knowing me well enough. Either way, it's a negative thing, as I like people who are as open as I am...openness and honesty are essential in relationships, so it's best if it comes naturally...not so many people are that way, but a lot of people will open up to me. But, I still kind of like her, but I'm wondering if it's just pity or sympathy, in a way, because she has very low self esteem, doesn't think any guys would be interested in her, is afraid of never getting married, etc. Ok, other side of the problem. There's this girl I met in my Anatomy and Physiology class, Jessica. I've asked her to join me for lunch with Matt and Faith a couple of times, but both times she's already had plans...except today, she told me to ask her again, thereby implying that she would go next time. Next time we have class is Monday, so I'll ask her then. Perhaps I'm imagining things, but it seems like there might be mutual interest. I hope so...loneliness is hitting me particularly hard tonight...as you know, I often wonder if I'll ever find anyone that will love me...but I also wonder if I'll find someone that I'll love. has to work both ways. I think I'll just stop before I think of death...the easiest solution to my problems...the thing that will most likely be the end of my loneliness...