yay, broncos win...

yep, and I'm hoping Carolina beats Chicago tomorrow. so...been sort of a fresh low these past few days. I'm down to 50mg of the zoloft, so we'll see...but I think I'd just rather be off of it entirely. Two things that are causing the fresh low: loneliness, as always and forever, and feeling that I'm not worth much anyways...that I have no redeeming traits or talents. I feel that I am at best, mediocre, and no one likes mediocre anyways, so it doesn't count for much. For today, it was watching "Phantom of the Opera" that got me down...wonderful movie, just gets me depressed. In a way, you hate the phantom because he's an obsessed freak who wants to steal a girl from the man she loves, but in a way, you do pity him, because he's really never been shown any love his entire life it seems. I can empathize with that feeling...though, like I said before, I would never stoop to stealing someone else's girlfriend/fiancee/wife or whatever. I would quietly suffer like I always do, hoping someone will notice, but no one ever does, really. That's probably why I put all of this on such a public forum.
In other news, Keith is moving out, so I get a room to myself, of which I am thankful. Keri is over here this weekend. Moved 300lb logs today, getting them off of the grass. I'll have to wait to split them, though, too fresh. I'm also going to try to find a work study job because you actually do get some in-pocket money for doing them, and it keeps me on campus.
*sigh*....all of the doors are being shut...every time I find someone I like, something comes up, either I suddenly lose interest, or they transfer to another school, or it ends up that they are already taken, etc. I'm not going to pretend to understand why this happens....and I don't know why I can't just give up even though trying is futile in every sense of the word. For some reason, I just go on living...and I don't really know why...I'm switching between too many different thoughts, I'm just going to go to bed.