ah, monsieur depression....

I feel his impending visit. I skipped my zoloft again last night, and I will do it again tonight. I see the shrink tomorrow, we'll see what he says, but I'm TIRED of being fat. I'm scared to weigh myself now. The only thing that can keep me from eating like I have been is crashing...which I hope to do by staying off of the zoloft. I know it scares some people, worries them, but oh well, can't please everyone. People tell me it's more important to be happy. Why can't they understand that no matter how many drugs I'm on, I'm not going to be happy if I'm fat? There is no such thing as a win-win situation here. It's not like I'm always going to be depressed if I'm off the meds. I have bad days, sometimes bad weeks, where I'm in a deep, dark hole emotionally, but other times I'm fine, like when I'm with friends...though, I won't be with friends for a while...well, excluding this weekend, going to see Chronicles of Narnia with Audrey on Friday, and Faith is coming home with me on Saturday, but....not until Alex gets out of school. So, we'll see how that goes.
*sigh* I'm just lonely, that's all. That's the problem. That it aggravates a chemical imbalance in my brain is beside the point. Is it too much to ask for a girl to love me, and me to love her? Reminds me of that song I wrote..."Will it ever be? Anyone for me?"