not again

yes, I do believe I'm depressed again, overweight again, so, here's the deal. I see the good doc tomorrow, I'm going to tell him that I'm going off of the zoloft, because it's not working anymore, really...it is to some extent, but not good enough to justify staying on it, due to my weight. I am fat. I would rather be thinner and depressed than fat, dumb, and happy, as Mr. Neff would put it. The new medicine is working alright with my panic attacks, but I really haven't been taking it long enough, I don't think....it needs to do better, so maybe he'll increase the dose. but the zoloft has to go.
So...what am I depressed about? do I need to tell you for the umpteenth time? Lonely isn't strong enough a word to describe it. I feel disgusting, due to my weight....I do believe that's half the problem, hopefully, if I go off the zoloft, and I'm taking that weight training class next semester...maybe by the end of the semester I'll be a bit easier on the eyes. all of my old sayings come to mind....that the fact that tons of different people have had successful relationships, and there's 300 million people in the USA, there should be someone for me, right? Wrong. Just because OTHER people have had successful relationships doesn't mean I will, because I'm different. everyone is different in some way. The population and size of the US actually makes it less likely that I will find someone, because well, the larger the search area and number of people I have to go through, each taking time, well....I only have so much time, you know. And there are other things to accomplish at the same time. Then there's my limited ability to "search"....I'm very reluctant to take the first step(s) (depending on the situation), and I'm either completely upfront and honest about my feelings (which has had no success so far), or I'm too subtle at expressing my interest, waiting until I get a clear sign that the other person is interested in me (which um, has only happened once, and as you know, that just ended, and it never really went anywhere in the first place...and Nikol doesn't count because I wasn't really interested in her to begin with)....aaaieee, the quandary...that isn't spelled right...I don't think...but it's 1am, I have an excuse. I can't be brilliant all of the time. So, what am I doing now? probing blindly, I suppose, I mean, I'm exploring one possibility right now, but I don't even know if I like her, I just started talking to her....basically, I'm waiting for a miracle, something that slaps me in the face so that everything makes sense, and i'm like, "Duh! why didn't I think of that before?" sort of thing...but I really am going to stop the zoloft, whether he likes it or not.