staring over the edge

of that lovely little hole called depression. I suspect it will be one of those nights where I cry myself to sleep. I feel like it's eating away at who I am...this battle between drugs and nature...medication and depression. I would rather be all the way in either direction versus in the middle like I am. Loneliness is always gnawing at me, particularly tonight. Remember that psychological trigger that I talked about before, violence against women? well, ashamedly, I willingly subjected myself to something along those lines, and I feel disgusted and disgusting, and of course, lonely....you know, it's funny, when you're lonely, it's easy to figure out what love language is most important to you...just thinking about what would make you feel better.....to be completely honest, at the risk of sounding cliche and stupid, but I'm serious, I just need a hug from someone who cares about me....someone who loves me, and someone I love....I do feel stupid though for having said it. Patience is a virtue, but that doesn't mean I have to enjoy the wait....I'm sick of repeating the old lines of what I want....just so frustrated, so lonely....I hate the way I feel....