new year anyone?

eh, just a minor inconvenience to me....have to put up a new calendar, remember to write "2006" whenever I write the date, etc. New Year's isn't all that special to me....that might change if I had a significant other to share it with....I had hoped at one point to spend it with Katie, but obviously, that was not possible. *sigh* I'm aware that I obsess...is that a crime? I simply can't get away from it, it's a constant plague to me. If I could stop it, I would. However, I just don't want to stop feeling lonely, I want the problem to be solved, I don't want to get to the point where I just don't care anymore...apathy destroys a person's soul.
In similar news, I have yet to hit bottom....I'm still waiting, looking forward to it...I enjoy it in a strange way, probably some sort of selfish motive to that, some sort of self-pity that I somehow enjoy...look at me, analyzing myself. At the risk of sounding hypocritical, I don't care. I don't care why I enjoy it in a twisted way. I just...want the impossible, I guess. I can handle material problems, so long as I have a sturdy relationship support base...which, I lack...one of the five is missing, and I happen to be one of those that can't do without all of them, really....perhaps later in life, I can sacrifice one or two...but not the one I'm missing now. I can't help feeling lonely tonight, or ever....but I suppose I'm asking for too much.