ah, Christmas eve...

It is indeed. We decided to exchange gifts this evening so as to be able to sleep in tomorrow morning. I got those Demon Hunter CD's I wanted. Sad that I should feel down at this time of year, particularly on Christmas Eve. But I do. Apparently Chrisanne has found my blog and has read it, but I don't care, as long as my mom does not...that's part of the reason why I changed the address. She wanted to know how she could help me. Well there are a very select few who can, like I said yesterday, and they're not here right now. They can help me deal with my problem, my quandary. A lot of people can take my mind off of it, if you consider that help, sure, then she can help me. Distractions are good.
I am becoming more and more disgusted with the idealism of one girl meant for me, the "soulmate" concept....how can a pessimist/realist like me believe in something like that? But then comes the next question...if I'm never going to find someone that's "perfect" for me, then does that mean I have to take what I can get? That phrase implies that I end up with something that is inferior to my standards, to my wants. Granted, perhaps some are unrealistic, given my low level of physical attractiveness, but I'm not willing to sacrifice on my wants and needs in the emotional realm. I suppose that's a given, considering that a marriage wouldn't be able to work if we didn't have a strong emotional relationship...but that brings me back to the question of, how many people are compatible with me? There's a difference between friendship and love, and there has to be both in a love relationship for it to be successful....you have to be able to both "like" (ie, can talk to them and do stuff with them like they were your best friend) and "love" (I think that's self-explanatory) them.
*sigh* I know I'm bordering on obsession here, but I can't help myself. Let me get burned, let painful experience force me to reevaluate my situation, I don't care. If I end up changing my mind about this whole thing because I got hurt too bad, fine. But that's not how it is right now....all my reality is how I feel right now...