still losing

But we're going to surrender. In good news, in the joint-forum we have with them, they started a game of Connect Four....and we've won both games we've played. Hm...other than that, I hate that I'm fat, disgusted with my eating, generally hate me, think I'm disgusting...I'll try to go back to the gym on monday...have to go before volunteering though....but I can't do that, because then I'll be sweaty and tired...but to go afterward means a huge crowd...maybe...perhaps she'll let me off a bit early so I can get there ahead of some of the other people. Then maybe I can meet alex there...
I wish I could go off of the meds...for some odd reason, i miss being depressed....it helped me loose weight, and I write a lot better when I'm depressed, and I'm more motivated to do stuff...antidepressants and stuff don't necessarily make you better or normal...they make you apathetic, so that you don't care about the problems in your life. It's like novacaine for the soul...and I don't want to be numb....I want to feel the pain, I want to be able to know when it's really cured....I just want to be who I am, unmedicated me is the best me.