some stuff to say

well...I'm watching Rose Red right now...I write during a commercial break. Very good movie it is. it is a commercial now. Okay, what's going on. Katie and I were going to go swimming at Alex's, but Audrey hasn't been cleaning the pool, so it's green, and we didn't swim. We took my dog on a walk instead, then ate dinner with my mom, and then went to Alex's to watch "Drop Dead Gorgeous". It was actually pretty good, and even Alex liked it, even though he was thinking at first (as he told me), that he was only watching it because Katie was my girlfriend. We then went back to my house to look at some pictures I've taken here. Then I took her home. we had a bit of a discussion. General synopsis: I told her about what happened with Alicia, and also told her my policy concerning such an occurence. Allow me to refresh your memory: I will never cheat on any girl I'm in a relationship with, nor will I break up with that girl because I've found someone else I like. That will not even be taken into consideration. Katie is my girlfriend, so my policy applies to her. I told her as much. I asked her if she had doubts. She did, but was reluctant to tell me, so I told her some of mine, which, I only had two, and one (distance) is not an issue anymore. The other I will get to in a minute. Anyways, she had two as well: one, she wondered how much of her I could tolerate. I told her that I did not find her annoying or irritating in any way, she's not like Nikki in that respect. Her second was that she said she does not share my beliefs. I had already guessed this, both from being around her, her her subtle reactions whenever I mentioned God, and from the way her ex is. I asked her what she believed. She said she didn't know, and I think she's telling the truth. I told her that I can empathize with the feeling, because the past year or so, particularly as I've gotten here in college, a lot of what I thought to be true, I'm beginning to question. but that's a topic for later. Suffice it to say, for those who doubtless want to know right now. Yes, I still believe in God. But like I said, will discuss later. anyways, now for my second doubt that I told her. I said I didn't know what to do in a relationship. How am I supposed to know if she's someone that I can live with for the rest of my life (which is what I'm looking for, and I told her that)? How am I supposed to know how to advance our relationship (my exact words)? Well, what I meant by that was, emotionally, how do I know when it's safe to make more of a commitment, to let myself love her, to tell her I love her? Well, when I walked her up to the door, we hugged and held each other for a moment, and I was going to kiss her on the cheek, but she turned and gave me a real kiss. oh, hell. quite an experience. what bothered me was it was a very sexual kiss, more about physical desire than love, or so was my impression. She asked me if that was what I had meant by "advance our relationship"...I told her no, but I didn't explain...I will when we talk next.
*sigh*.....I wanted to talk to Alicia tonight, but she's at a concert, so then I called keri, but she was online with her boyfriend, so I didn't bother to ask her to talk to me, I know this is something I can't talk to Faith about....heck, I've got nowhere to turn now. how about to the shower, I could use that. That picture at the top? Pilz-e the squirrel, for our utopia banner.