plenty to say

if only I felt like writing it....I'm talking to a random stranger again online. I started a movie reviews blog, I'll put up a link to it sooner or later. Went and saw Dark Water with Katie on Tuesday....Alex and Katie's friend Evan were supposed to go with us, but both cancelled. Going to my dad's tomorrow, so I'll post from there. dang, I'm just tired, I should probably go to bed...but I can't stop talking....

well, well...nothing, I guess

I can't think of a title. I did have another dream last night, very short, so I'll make it seem long with my description of its shortness. I was in a room, a bedroom, right in front of the door as if I had just walked in. the room was small and dark, had faux-wood panelling on the walls. The bed, or something resembling a bed was right in front of the door, not very big. Vaguely, over to the left, was the rest of the room, which was a desk, computer, and a couch with a corduroy upholstery, and a window on the far left wall. but those are minor details. The most important thing, which was what I was focused on, was a dark-haired girl sitting cross-legged on the bed in front of me. her head was hung, so I couldn't see her face. I did see her left forearm though, covered in bloody cuts. I took a white towel and pressed it gently against her arm. She started to cry, and leaned against me, burying her head in my chest. I felt sort of a paternal love for her. Strange. Prediction of the future? ha, I'll let you know in about 20-25 years, maybe more.
Other than that, I'm going to see Dark Water...I almost spelled water with a "q"....anyway, I'm going to see it with katie and alex. This is sort of my second date with Katie, if you want to call it that. We have confessed to be interested in each other, and we're just getting to know each other at this point, really....I mean, we talked a lot before I told her I liked her, I guess, I might be better off using her words, we're getting comfortable with each other...you see, I brought it up the other night that she seemed a little aloof/self-conscious around me, something I'm not really used to. She said she just needed to get comfortable with me, since I'm a fairly new acquaintance. *bash, bash* I keep forgetting people aren't psychic like I am (you're supposed to laugh here). I'm going to my dad's thursday, he's getting promoted on monday to lieutenant commander....the equivalent of major, except he's in the navy, and they have different names. Then I'm meeting Faith on the way back home in Smithfield. you know, um....forgot what I was going to say...oh well. wait I remembered, but I don't feel like writing it, lol.too lazy.

have a look at this story

The following story is from This is True dated 17 July 2005. It is
Copyright 2005 Randy Cassingham, all rights reserved, and reprinted here
with
permission:

"Ethical" Defined

After more than 100 dead dogs were dumped in a trash dumpster over
four weeks, police in Ahoskie, N.C., kept an eye on the trash receptacle
behind a supermarket. Sure enough, a van drove up and officers watched
the occupants throw in heavy plastic bags. They detained the two people
in the van and found 18 dead dogs in plastic bags in the dumpster,
including puppies; 13 more dead dogs were still in the van. Police say
the van is registered to the headquarters of People for the Ethical
Treatment of Animals, and the two occupants, Andrew B. Cook, 24, and
Adria Joy Hinkle, 27, identified themselves as PETA employees. An autopsy
performed on one of the dogs found it was healthy before it was killed.
Police say PETA has been picking up the animals -- alive -- from North
Carolina animal shelters, promising to find them good homes. Cook and
Hinkle have been charged with 62 felony counts of animal cruelty. In
response to the arrests PETA President Ingrid Newkirk said it's against
the group's policy for employees to dump animals in the trash, but "that
for some animals in North Carolina, there is no kinder option than
euthanasia." (Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald) ...Oops, my mistake: that's
"Playing God" Defined.

In his author's notes section, Cassingham had more to say about this
story:

The more I learn about PETA, the less I think of
them. The story of them killing animals isn't even unusual. According to
PETA's own filings, in 2004 PETA killed 86.3 percent of the
animals entrusted to its care -- a number that's rising, not falling.
Meanwhile, the SPCA in PETA's home town (Norfolk, Va.) was able to find
loving homes for 73 percent of the animals put in its care. A shortage of
funds? Nope: last year PETA took in $29 million in tax-exempt donations.
It simply has other priorities for the funds, like funding terrorism
(yes, really). But don't take my word for it: I got my figures from
http://www.PETAkillsAnimals.com
-- and they have copies of PETA's state and federal filings to back it
up. The bottom line: if you donate money to PETA because you think they
care for and about animals, you need to think some more. PETA literally
yells and screams about how others "kill animals" but this is how
they operate? Pathetic.

And you know what I wonder? PETA's official count of animals
they kill is 86.3 percent. But if they're going around picking up
animals, killing them while they drive around and not even giving them a
chance to be adopted, and then destroying the evidence by dumping
the bodies in the trash, are those deaths being reported? My
guess: no. While 86.3 percent is awful, the actual number is probably
much, much higher. How dare they lecture anyone
about the "ethical" treatment of animals!

(This is True is a weekly column featuring
weird-but-true news
stories from around the world, and has been published since 1994. Click
the link for info about free subscriptions.)

well, stuff's happened

As stuff always does. Wednesday, I got attacked by wasps while mowing....stung me on my Achilles' tendon, ironically, then when I swatted it off, it got on my hand and stung me there too....and when I got in the house, I found one on my sock crawling around. Went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Katie on wednesday as well....awesome movie, Johnny Depp is hilarious. Not much else has happened. Alex is busy with finishing up his online class, exam on monday, so he's incapacitated the rest of the weekend. Brian is in Tennessee, then in California. oh, what am I going to do this weekend? maybe I'll post a comic...

this is a post

yeah....I'm tired again. let me attempt to post a comic.

brief-ness

I'm tired. "Hostage" is a good movie, rather graphic, but very good. I think it belongs on my favorite movies list. we went swimming too. hmm...nothing else to say, really...well, it won't let me post a comic...guess there's something wrong with blogger...I'll just wait till tomorrow.

blah dee dah

yeah, that's kinda how I feel for some reason. alex got this funny game called "Destroy All Humans", it's an alien game, it's really funny, and you can do cool stuff. you know, while I was over there, i was thinking about Audrey....I told brian this stuff last week....she's really pretty, we get along great, if you read in my guestbook, she says I'm one of the rare people that don't depress her, and she told me that if she was looking for a relationship, I would be the type of guy she would consider, but that's the thing...she doesn't want any of that until she's out of college and got a job, etc....four or five more years. Really kinda disappoints me, because I think we could have a successful relationship...but then again, I could be getting into that "utopian" thinking I mentioned in my post on how relationships should be. Oh well...I suppose if I'm still hopelessly single by the time she's ready for a relationship, I could finally see if...well, I don't need to finish that sentence, as your sharp brain already has. I'll just post a comic, as usual. speaking of which, I did get a new Dilbert book....

well, I'm tired

so this won't be long. I went to my dad's today to see my grandpa before he left, he's just too much for my dad and stepmom to handle. then I came back, went to dinner with my sunday school class, I'm in the adult class now, hehe, and then we went bowling. Now, I am here, and ready for sleep...but maybe I'll watch some joecartoon first...nah, it can wait. let me put up the daily comic:

yes! another one

let me see what's next in the file....

oi-ing like a jewish man

yeah....I'm dizzy, because I haven't had my medicine in about a week...and I can't remember my other problems at the moment. I'm listening to my carnegie hall cd, from when we sang there. well, I do have my medicine now, so I'll feel better in a little bit. Oh, now I remember what I was going to talk about. Aside from the fact that I'm addicted to Pepsi One, I thought about puns today. The infamous P-word. you see, I was coming home, and it was pouring until I got out of fayetteville and on 401...and then I looked west to see if there were any more storms coming, and there were, and I thought to myself, "we're not out of the water yet." Doh. well, I think that's all for tonight....I'll post another comic tomorrow...I have Far Side, Garfield, Dilbert, and Get Fuzzy...those are my faves.

now that i feel like writing some things

okay. well, I'm going to get to see Faith again when I come back from my dad's, we're meeting in Smithfield. I also got Jamie to agree to talk to my dad as long as I'm there. My dad just got back on monday with my grandpa, who's staying with him for awhile, so I'll get to see him when I go there. I need to get strings for my classical guitar, and reacquire my bass voice before school starts. I told him about my tenor range, but not my bass range, and I don't want to end up a tenor, I like doing bass. anyways, I have plenty of comics to post, so I'll post another.

another Far Side

since I'm stuck here waiting for the dryer repairman.

there was orientation...

yeah. went on Friday, got "oriented". the only thing worth speaking here of is the people I met. Faith and Keri. um, what to say. we met at the end of the activities of the first day, because I held the door for them. we got to talking while waiting for our parents to rejoin us. we hit it off really well. So, I'll have some friends when I get there. though, I wish they'd get online, so I can talk to them. I got my schedule...and a laptop, which I'm using now. it's pretty good....I just don't feel like writing...me and brian are watching Dr. Doolittle.

SOMEBODY STOP ME!!

to quote jim carrey. yeah. well, if this is illegal or something, let me know, I'll take it off, but right now, I'm going to start posting some of my favorite comics. this one's, you guessed it, The Far Side, by Gary Larson.

another funky dream...

this one was long, and probably caffeine induced...though I don't think thats it, it was this morning just before I woke up. And since my dreams are better than any form of entertainment known to man, I think I'll write about it.
well, it starts out as like, I'm in Kessen III, but with the characters of Kessen II (for the clueless, Kessen III is a military strategy game set in 1500's Japan, and Kessen II is the same theme, but in 200AD China), and we're doing a siege on a castle, and the enemy magician is causing meteors to fall on our troops. I go to Sima Yi, one of my magicians, and tell him to cast a spell to stop the meteors, then cast his own meteors on the enemy. Then I go to Himiko, she's this teenage girl that's also one of my magicians, and tell her to cast a spell called Stripes...which ended up turning me into some sort of dragon, and I had a fiery chain that I used to kill the enemy...actually, I even at one point wrapped it around a guys neck and his head exploded. I forgot this one part that linked it to the next part of the dream, but where I remember again, I'm in a city, and everyone was walking to somewhere, or running from something, but I go out, and I hear this buzzing, and I go into this building that looks like an old train station, and I look down the stairwell that led underground, and I see a whole bunch of lightning bolts dancing around, I can't see what's making it, and I hear someone talking, so I take off running away before I get caught, running around corners, and I run into a mall, and it's where everyone's going, into an auditorium. We were all supposed to go in there, according to the intercom. I didn't want to go in there, so I started walking away, and this kid who was working for them, he started following me, subtlely threatening me to go back, we fought a little bit, but he was no match for me, so then he brought up this old woman, she was like hispanic or indian or something like that. the boy had said something about me not having a mask like other people, and that made him afraid of me somewhat. Anyways, the boy left us, and it was just me and this old woman, and we started climbing these stairs up a lighthouse, and we were talking about who goes to heaven, good people bad people, stuff like that. Next thing I know, we're in an old white chevy blazer, and she's driving, we're going to my house, and I'm thinking I'm free, and I hopped out of the truck on the edge of our property about 15o feet from our driveway, and she continues on to park in the driveway. I run to the backyard, and a pull my butterfly knife out of my pocket, and I'm going to make a run for it. all of the sudden she appears in the backyard by the boat shelter just a few feet away from me. she pulls out a butter fly knife too. we make a few attempts to fight, but all of the sudden she takes off, disappears, and somehow I know she went back to the truck, I grab a shovel and chase after her. she's in the backseat of a green gmc suburban parked next to the blazer, and she's got a box of bullets like she's trying to load a gun. I go over there, and she crawls to the other side of the truck, but doesn't try to get out, and I start stabbing her with the shovel, and I get her in the neck, throat, head, imbed the shovel into her until I know she's dead. then I take off running, and these black people in a green volvo drive into my yard and I'm running because I know they're going to think I murdered the old woman, and it was really self defense. they head to the backyard first, so I know I have a few minutes before they discover the body, and I head to the Szigedi's hoping they will hide me for a while, and I start feeling that feeling when you're running but you're not going very fast, and then it ended.
that's it. I'm going now.

oi, that was stupid

I just had two cans of Pepsi One....good bit of caffeine, now I can toss and turn for a couple of hours in bed. Worked on cleaning my room this evening...made a good bit of progress, now I can walk somewhere else besides in front of my door. grandparents are coming back tomorrow. Dang, I really want that Extol CD...didn't have enough money though...I could get it tomorrow if i borrow from my spare change bag...I've got like $60+ in there. i just need another dollar to buy it. With tax, it's basically the same price as the online one with shipping. wow, that's a cool song....it plays during the opening titles of "Godzilla"....a piece by David Arnold, he's a pretty good composer, also did the music for "Independence Day". wow, that one's deep...a splinter I have in my finger...I know you find this fascinating...and after expending some blood, I got it out. You want to know how I got it? it was the little spike from a pinecone I threw for my dog. If you're reading this while you are high, I know you are hooked on my story, but that's all there is to it. well...I think I'm gone, i have nothing interesting to say...

this is a test....

just putting some stuff up for banner ideas for my utopia kingdom, a pharmaceuticals theme.

Useless, useless...

Yes, there are plenty of useless blogs out there. I'm convince that at least 50% of the blogs in Blogger are advertisements of some kind. I try to browse for interesting blogs, I hardly ever find one. Problem is I don't write them down when I do. I'm leaving for home tomorrow afternoon...maybe I can do something with Alex. I only have Wednesday and Thursday before I go to Campbell for orientation. Spending the night there...I wonder if they let us stay in the actual hall where we are assigned, so we know what it will be like. hmm...if only I could remember my passwords for my messengers, I'd get on to them to see if anyone's on that I want to talk to. Well, I'll try, but if not, I'm going to bed.

remember, when you're on antipsychotics...

Take them. I missed my dose, and you know what? I'm dizzy as hell. That's the Risperdal, or the lack of. Speaking of meds, that's the theme for our Utopia kingdom this age, Pharmaceuticals....I went with "Zoloft 50mg". Furthermore, I'm supposed to be the monarch this age....my first time, so we'll see how I do....I'm still not sure whether our kingdom stayed together, or if we merged with another...all I know is that three of us really good players are still together, so that counts for something. I expect a lot more people will show up tomorrow, as today is only the first day, and the clock doesn't start till wednesday. I bowled today on some of the suckiest lanes I've ever seen in my life. I don't even want to discuss it. you know, I just saw an advertisement for that show "Wildfire" I think it's on TNT. A stupid prep show...not as bad as "The O.C.", but still a stupid prep show. What makes it so stupid is that whoever casts for those shows is a completely incompetent moron....well, not for the OC, it's supposed to be a prep show, but Wildfire is supposed to be about a girl with problems in her life....I look at that girl, I swear, she's never had a worse problem than a bad hair day. the guys that fall for her "bad girl" image (heh, yeah right), they're complete dicks, and the director actually has the gall to portray these people as the good guys, the people who are right, have the right view on life. I'm just shakin my head. This sort of utopian vision has ruled movies and TV forever. Books are even picking up on it. Whatever happened to telling a story to teach someone about life? Any book in my favorites list in my profile is a book that is, how might I say, "non-utopian", that is, it shows reality. So you say people want to escape reality. heh. escape nothing. All this does is make you hate your life even worse because you envy the people you are reading about/watching on TV. "Reality TV" my ass. Scripted, it's all fiction, real life isn't like that, just because it's not filmed on a set doesn't mean it's real. What fiction should do is present reality in a way that teaches you to appreciate what you have in life, not teach you to envy others and thereby make yourselves miserable. You say that's boring. okay....try reading some of those books on my list. Excellent books. or, I might just post some of my books and stories, because that's how I write. For example let me tell you about some of my characters.
Melanie: sure, she's hot girl in a violent sport, kickboxing (though, I may change it to boxing, easier to research). given that description, any hack in LA can come up with a script not unlike the shows I mentioned above. However, I show you the things they won't. I show her HUMANITY. she's got real problems that make her somewhat unattractive, make her REAL. She's almost got two conflicting personalities. One side, she's extremely hot-tempered, even violent towards her friends (in one scene, she decks her boyfriend for basically nothing, and she has sort of a feud going on with his best friend, she hates him, insults him to his face and behind his back to her boyfriend). The other, she's very insecure about herself. She's scared of getting close in a relationship, because she was manipulated and abused by her last boyfriend, he even tried to rape her (which is when she left him, obviously) , but then she meets a guy who she thinks is perfect for her, and she wants to be close, but she's scared to be. So, in a nutshell, she's an outwardly very attractive girl, but she's got some serious emotional issues.
David: this is Melanie's friend, then boyfriend, fiancee, and finally husband. She's attracted to him because he's a guy that treats her right. He's gentlemanly, a good listener, always knows intuitively when and how she needs support, and gives it to her. Sounds great, right? I've seen "hunks" in movies portrayed like that. the so called "perfect guy", the one's the girls all love. Well, he isn't exactly like one of them. Outwardly, he's definitely an average joe. kind of lanky, unkempt longish hair and gotee. And very quiet, almost shy. He's not the type of guy that women chase after. again, in a nutshell, outwardly not eyecatching, but inside, he's got his marbles together. Stable...kind of like gold :D
well, I'll just post some of that book, so you can get your own idea of how I present REAL people. you see, the secret to that is this: real people are multidimensional. The characters you see on shows like Wildfire, in movies like um....I don't know, my brain's not in perfect order tonight, let's say a stupid Richard Gere movie, or Leonardo DiCaprio movie (I'm thinking Titanic's "love" story), they are one dimensional, those characters have no real flaws. That is what makes a great, and believeable character, is that they have good points and bad points, they have one side that they portray to the everyone, and they have a side that they hide. For the best example, let's examine me.
Look at my pictures. I'm nothing special, I know I'm not attractive, regardless of what old women say (don't ya hate that? they think everyone is so handsome, or so cute, etc, frankly it gets old after a while when everyone I meet that is over the age of 60 says something about my red hair). I've had a number of girls my age confirm that for me. So, I really have no good points about my physical appearance. Now, let's examine the far more complicated part of me, my personality. I have plenty of good points there. All of David's good points in his personality, those are my good points. Girls, good luck finding a guy that will treat you better than I will without having an ulterior motive (in other words, if they don't think they're going to get sex, say good bye to mr. nice guy). I am an honest, straightforward, caring person. I know people. I could show you copies of conversations I've had with people online where I'm telling them things about them and their feelings, and they're amazed at how much I know, and these are people I had just met in person and gotten their email addresses. God's gifted me, and I use it to help people, usually girls, because they'll talk to me about their problems, guys usually prefer to work their problems out by themselves, but that's another issue. I'm also very loyal. I would never even dream of cheating on any girl I was in a relationship with. Okay, those are my good points. but I do have some bad ones. I have a low self-esteem regarding my physical appearance. I have major depression, and have a history of cutting, and I'm on medication for both. I have a language problem, but usually only if I'm alone. Like all guys, I have a problem with lust. Though it rarely manifests, and there are only a few things that can provoke it, I have a problem with rage. It mainly has to do with my mom's husband, which I won't say any more about, because even talking about it makes me so angry my hands shake.
Well, it's midnight, and that's me. Anyone want to add to the list?

just a reminder for myself

The best tabs for "Frail" by Jars of Clay is at
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/j/jars_of_clay/frail_ver3_tab.htm

don't know what to post

yeah, because there's not much to say...I got up really early and went walking with Chrisanne at the mall....they open it up at like 6am for people to walk laps around inside for exercise....beats doing it outside in the heat and humidity....ha! I love the edit html button. I accidentally clicked on the Link button and it kept doing everything like I was putting in a link, you know, the font and underlining, and I couldn't fix it till I went to edit html. anyways...tomorrow we're having a barbeque....I'm feeling inspired to write, I just don't know what...I guess as an outlet for my depression....definitely feeling the loneliness issue. damn, it sucks. speaking of that, regarding my last post, I realize how vague I was, too much so. What I was going to write about was this girl that I've been talking to that I like, but, given the inherent shallowness in all people, that is why I would expect to be shot down if I were to express any interest in her. she's far higher up on the scale of attractiveness (physically) than I am. You see, that's one thing I've seen in all relationships. There's always the physical attraction element that is taken into consideration. That is the first thing you notice about a person, so it can never really be ruled out. No matter how "un-shallow" a person is, if they are not in any way physically attracted to a person, they will not enter a relationship with that person. That's just the way people are, it's our nature. they may become friends, but there will be no romantic relationship. I can almost guarantee it. That's what sucks for people like me, who are not in the least bit physically attractive. My proof for my claims? Look at the couples you see everyday. Allowing for individual preferences in appearance (ie, I like dark-haired girls, my friend likes blondes), most couples are about the same level of attractiveness. Sometimes it is a bit unbalanced, but then you have to add in the love bias, that someone you love automatically becomes beautiful to you. but usually, the balance is fairly close. When the balance is way off, usually there is an extreme personality trait that evens it up. For example, it's a commonly held view that girls like jerks, mainly because they're amusing and CONFIDENT. at this point, imagine me shaking my hung head. In my so humble opinion, those guys are giant dicks with no brains, no intelligence whatsoever. Girls say they like the confidence. Hey, I'm confident in myself. I know who I am inside, my character is set. Sure, I'm not through learning things, but my mold is hardening. I'm confident, and therefore, I don't feel the need to run my mouth. I'm a fairly quiet person, especially when I first meet someone (unless I'm expected to run the conversation, or want to run the conversation, then I'll talk as necessary). It's not that I'm shy. I've just learned via experience that it's easier to figure someone out if you let them talk. then, when I do talk, I know who I'm talking to, and I know what to say. Whereas, the "confident" guys (when I say this, the image that comes to mind is guys at a club or bar), the ones the girls supposedly want, are just arrogant jackasses. Refer to my post, "The Way Relationships Should Be", it's on the links list on the right. Those are the type of guys I'm talking about. So, maybe my "knowledge" of this matter is hurting my chances of finding someone, since most girls are attracted to the jackass breed of guy, the "confident" type. well, what if I don't really want a girl that likes that type? I think that's just a sign of immaturity on her part. She's not seriously thinking about the future, she is living for the present. Neither her nor the guy she picks up knows what it takes to make love last, to make relationships last. So, girls that are mature, which is what I want, well, they're very rare at my age...maybe that'll change when I get to college, but I doubt it....people will be people. or maybe I'm just an old coot in a teenager's body, and full of it...I don't know. But I do know, my outlook is bleak in this department.