don't know what to post

yeah, because there's not much to say...I got up really early and went walking with Chrisanne at the mall....they open it up at like 6am for people to walk laps around inside for exercise....beats doing it outside in the heat and humidity....ha! I love the edit html button. I accidentally clicked on the Link button and it kept doing everything like I was putting in a link, you know, the font and underlining, and I couldn't fix it till I went to edit html. anyways...tomorrow we're having a barbeque....I'm feeling inspired to write, I just don't know what...I guess as an outlet for my depression....definitely feeling the loneliness issue. damn, it sucks. speaking of that, regarding my last post, I realize how vague I was, too much so. What I was going to write about was this girl that I've been talking to that I like, but, given the inherent shallowness in all people, that is why I would expect to be shot down if I were to express any interest in her. she's far higher up on the scale of attractiveness (physically) than I am. You see, that's one thing I've seen in all relationships. There's always the physical attraction element that is taken into consideration. That is the first thing you notice about a person, so it can never really be ruled out. No matter how "un-shallow" a person is, if they are not in any way physically attracted to a person, they will not enter a relationship with that person. That's just the way people are, it's our nature. they may become friends, but there will be no romantic relationship. I can almost guarantee it. That's what sucks for people like me, who are not in the least bit physically attractive. My proof for my claims? Look at the couples you see everyday. Allowing for individual preferences in appearance (ie, I like dark-haired girls, my friend likes blondes), most couples are about the same level of attractiveness. Sometimes it is a bit unbalanced, but then you have to add in the love bias, that someone you love automatically becomes beautiful to you. but usually, the balance is fairly close. When the balance is way off, usually there is an extreme personality trait that evens it up. For example, it's a commonly held view that girls like jerks, mainly because they're amusing and CONFIDENT. at this point, imagine me shaking my hung head. In my so humble opinion, those guys are giant dicks with no brains, no intelligence whatsoever. Girls say they like the confidence. Hey, I'm confident in myself. I know who I am inside, my character is set. Sure, I'm not through learning things, but my mold is hardening. I'm confident, and therefore, I don't feel the need to run my mouth. I'm a fairly quiet person, especially when I first meet someone (unless I'm expected to run the conversation, or want to run the conversation, then I'll talk as necessary). It's not that I'm shy. I've just learned via experience that it's easier to figure someone out if you let them talk. then, when I do talk, I know who I'm talking to, and I know what to say. Whereas, the "confident" guys (when I say this, the image that comes to mind is guys at a club or bar), the ones the girls supposedly want, are just arrogant jackasses. Refer to my post, "The Way Relationships Should Be", it's on the links list on the right. Those are the type of guys I'm talking about. So, maybe my "knowledge" of this matter is hurting my chances of finding someone, since most girls are attracted to the jackass breed of guy, the "confident" type. well, what if I don't really want a girl that likes that type? I think that's just a sign of immaturity on her part. She's not seriously thinking about the future, she is living for the present. Neither her nor the guy she picks up knows what it takes to make love last, to make relationships last. So, girls that are mature, which is what I want, well, they're very rare at my age...maybe that'll change when I get to college, but I doubt it....people will be people. or maybe I'm just an old coot in a teenager's body, and full of it...I don't know. But I do know, my outlook is bleak in this department.