the purpose of my blog

Why keep a blog? Why did I start? I guess it was a "jumping on the bandwagon" sort of thing. Talking to Joe and Serena from California, they had blogs on Blogger, so I got one as well. I started putting my journal stuff on here. I'd had a journal since October 2003. It started out as a letter to my future children, should I have any. A bizarre concept, true, but I did have good intentions. Basically, I wanted them to see that I really was their age at one point, that I got depressed, felt rejection, etc, just like they probably will at some point.

Eventually, I stopped writing it as if it were a letter to them, specifically. It basically became a normal journal. So, why do I keep a journal? Megan's really the only one that reads it. I can think of two reasons why I keep doing this.

First, I don't want to forget. I want to record as much of my life and thoughts as I can so that I don't forget where I've been in life. Sometimes you want to remember something from the past, but have no way of refreshing your memory, you know? I wish now that I had written more about Megan when we weren't dating. I mean, we went to lunch every week, studied together for tests, and sometimes got together for movies, but she is hardly mentioned until we started dating.

The second purpose is to try to understand myself. When you ask someone how they feel or what they are thinking, half the time you get the response "I don't know". That's because thoughts fly through your mind faster than you can talk. I can think a sentence before I can get to saying the second word. But when I write, I'm forced to slow down my thoughts and study each one as I type it. By lingering on my thoughts, it becomes easier to see patterns and reasons behind those thoughts. I'm pretty sure I understand myself for the most part. There is only one thing that I do not understand about myself, and it irritates me. It's become an obsession of sorts...but it's not something I can talk to people about. If I don't understand it, they certainly won't.