Long time, but...

New issue to talk about...I'm just going to restate everything to try to get my thoughts in order now.

I just had a conversation with Megan tonight. We've been together for 14 months now, and I knew her as a friend for 9 months prior to that. I'm confident that I want to marry her, and she wants the same.

Issue: she lives 4 hours away. Now, as we go to the same college, we're only separated during the summer break. But she's presented a new problem. She's trying to get into pharmacy school, but she can't pass Organic Chemistry. She's tried twice. She's considering giving up and enrolling in a community college near her home to become a pharmacy tech. That would put us four hours away for the next two years while she gets that degree and I'm finishing mine.

Two years apart is going to hurt. But, it means that we will be able to support ourselves in two years, allowing us to get married sooner than we had planned (we were going to wait until she had finished pharmacy school, and I had finished my masters degree, which would make us wait four years). I was already planning to work full-time during grad school (probably as a social worker), and she could easily get a job wherever I'm living, and with our combined income, we could easily support ourselves after we are married. We'd pull in maybe $40,000 a year.

I'm just worried about the two years apart. Yeah, maybe we could see each other once a month like we do in the summer, but I'm making it through the summer because I know that I'll get to see her a lot more often this coming school year. But what if she isn't there? Facing two more years of loneliness when I thought it was all over? Talking on the phone is great, but it's no replacement for just getting to hold her, hug her, kiss her.

I'm conflicted. I admit, I hated the idea of having to wait four or five years to get to marry her, and this path will allow us to be married in half the time. But two years apart? What will that do to us? Will we be ready for marriage after spending that long apart?

Options that run through my mind: She could move down here and get her pharmacy tech degree from FTCC. Problem? where would she live? She can't afford a place, and she can't stay at my house. I can't/won't leave campbell for another school before I've finished my degree. I'd lose all of my scholarships doing so, and then I'd miss two years of being with the friends I have there. So, the only feasible thing I can think of is just visiting with her more often. Our love is strong, and although I can't completely silence the fear that we'll grow apart because of the distance, I refuse to believe that will happen. Perhaps I'm not afraid of growing apart at all. Perhaps I'm just afraid of the unexpected change in direction that this part of my life is going. But I shouldn't be afraid. Change has always made me stronger. I have to trust that God knows what is going on, and will make sure that things work out for the best.