Why we need to stereotype

boy, there's a subject that'll get people hot. But, it is true, to an extent. Wesley and I were discussing this as we were watching the Carolina/Villanova game Friday night. See, what got this started was I was talking about how few of my classmates really know me, or anything about me, for that matter, which is really sad, considering our class numbers only 38. They catagorize me as an oddball...a supremely intelligent oddball, but an oddity nonetheless. I don't really fit in. They are content to label me as "odd" and subsequently ignore me because of some unwritten social statute that says that they are not to associate with "odd" people. People in general stereotype all the time. I admit, some of it is bad, i.e. disliking or hating a specific racial group because of undesirable characteristics that one assumes that all members of the said group possess. However, the reason people stereotype others as "snob", "rich", "weirdo", "prep", "goth", "hick", etc., is that we cannot, practically, get to know every single person we meet. We are not capable, mentally, or emotionally, of processing all of that information. Stereotyping is our way of coping with this handicap. Our minds crave information, or at least, part of it does. We want knowledge of everything around us. It's a control issue. For instance: a person is standing behind you in line at a store, any store. Say, Wal-mart. Everyone goes there (or at least it seems like it, at least around here, lol...try parking on a Saturday afternoon). Immediately you evaluate them. You want to know about them so that you know what to expect from them. However, since you do not want to (or cannot) exert the time and effort it takes to get to know them well enough to predict they're actions (which, really, takes years), you substitute a stereotype. All this takes is a fraction of a second and your curiosity is usually abated. See? You just coped for the fact that you couldn't get to know them as a person, an individual. And, this may shock you, but in a general sense, your stereotype was probably correct. That's why stereotypes exist in the first place. They are general descriptions of people. They usually fit. If they didn't, people would stop using them, because they would know that it wasn't a reliable way to satisfy one's inate craving for knowledge and control of our environment. Sure, sometimes the stereotype is wrong. That's statistics. There's always a small possibility of a failure of the experiment (in this case, the stereotype), no matter how great the probability of success.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for getting to know people. But you have to pick and choose, because you'll never know all the people that you meet. People pick and choose through stereotypes and surface judgments. So, next time someone pegs you wrong, don't bite their head off for it. Just understand that the mistake was not meant to offend you. It was made unintentionally in an effort to cope with the mental and emotional strain of everyday life.

And now back to previously scheduled broadcasting....I'm hoping Carolina wins the NCAA. Going to Panama City, FL for Spring break this week, so I'm over and out.

hmm....well, wait just a sec here...

I think I figured out how to post that conversation...let me do that real quick. Bold is Joe, italics is me.

hey no problem
sorry, trillian died on me
ah
yeah sex doesn't freak me out
I don't get to talk about it with too many people so....
you're free to say whatever
so what are your views on the subject? how far do you feel is acceptable? and what's more important to you? the emotional relationship or the physical relationship?
I think that... you should kiss the girl when the pastor tells you too
I think you should court
I think a physical relationship can be less damaging than an emotional one
but thats not to say that physical stuff doesn't matter
like holding hands... I mean
thats something that our culture took and ran with
I don't want to sound like an over-protective parent here but
thats just kinda how I feel about it
I think its fine to have female friends... just watch yourself and watch her
don't get in too far when you can't back it up
you?
hmm....first off, is it alright with you if I put this post into my blog? I'm pretty much going to write the same things I'm writing here, so I don't have to repeat myself.
yeah yeah
its cool
okay, let me see here...One: have you ever read The Five Love Languages? the five are gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, and acts of service. a love language is how people receive love, or how they best receive it, what makes them feel most loved. Me, I'm a physical touch person. I know you think that most guys would say that, but I've given it plenty of thought. So, thusly
no I have not read that
but keep goin
relationships for me could get a little tricky, because my psychological need for touch in a relationship would get in the way of good intentions. allowing for that, my standards are a bit looser than yours. hugging and cuddling are great, that's pretty much all I need....if a girl wants to kiss me (I would never, I have sworn this, never be the one to give the first kiss), before I let her,
right
I'd have to know for completely sure that she really loves me...and not just surface love, I mean true love. Touch from girls that are given without love, I can't tell you how bad that hurts me, because I want so bad for it to come from love. I'm getting better at not taking it the wrong way and just accepting it for what it is, but if before I let someone go as far as kissing, I want to know
right
you gotta have proof
I'm with ya there
beyond a doubt that I love them, and they love me. as for the absolute farthest I'd go is making out.....and within marriage, I believe in pretty much no bounds....so long as both consent to it, it's fine.
so..
you are opposed to sex outside of wedlock correct?
yes
just checkin
so if I read this right...
what you're against is mindless flirtation
no?
yes....a little more than that.....I believe that for a relationship to be successful, it must be, as I told brian earlier, the emotional part of the relationship should be as grounded and anchored as 2000 tons of steel, before you get serious physically...especially for someone like me, because I can't separate touch from love....that's why the one thing that will absolutely make me loose my
ok
temper is if someone hits me, don't care who it is, if they're not playing around, they're gettin it back
so you have to have the emotional foundation to build the physical-ness on?
yes
ah
thats a good position...
I mean... not to sound like I missed everything
I think you've thought about this alot huh?
:D
yeah.....course this is all in theory....never really had the opportunity to put it into practice....well, yeah, I have, and shamed to say I bombed it.....it was with Nikki, and I didn't really love her, but she loved me, and I guess the way I was feeling that night was take what I can get, it was durring the church progressive dinner, where each course is at different houses, and we kissed some b
between stops, and when I dropped her off, we were practically making out in her driveway.....I wish I hadn't done that, hopefully, maybe, I'll have the opportunity to redeem myself someday, though that depends on me finding someone that will actually love me like that
yeah
I had a girl really like me for a bit
I bombed that too
I mean I never went as near as you went
heh caaaaause I'm still 14
:D
but yeah... she was smitten and I encouraged it
and I wished I didn't
cause now I have everyone asking "did you really like her?" "cause she liked you and whatever"
don't play someone else.... you'll get busted in the end
yep....and that's what's happening to brian...I hope he knows it and doesn't get sucked in and get hurt, though, I think he does know it, and is just playing along, for the physical benefits.....
yeah
wish I hadn't forgotten my meds last night, cause now that I'm off that sugar high, getting really low
what do you take?
50mg of zoloft and .5mg of Risperdal
ok
anti-depressent?
zoloft is, and risperdal is an antipsychotic, for the cutting...though, I cut myself real good on Sunday night....told my shrink, he still didn't change the dosage

i meant to do this the other night

Yeah, i wanted to post something friday night, but I forgot. Okay, what happened friday night. Be warned, this story isn't exactly G-rated. Hope my mom doesn't find this....course, even if she did, she couldn't do anything about it, as per our agreement. Okay, well, I wanted to go see Phantom of the Opera with a few friends. Problem: it's not playing anywhere in Fayetteville. So, I call everyone, and we agree on The Pacifier. Okay, so the list of people going: Caitlin, me, Alex, Audrey, Brian, and his "lesbian" friend Kat. Well, I had my own opinion of that, she's not lesbian, she's bi. She's been messin with Brian's head at school, gettin really close to him, rubbing his legs, etc. Okay, so we're at the movie, I didn't find this out till later cuz Audrey and Alex were between me and Brian, but Kat's giving him a hand job during the movie. Then, after the movie, we get out, and he wanted me to take Alex home (earlier he had wanted to drive Alex around). I agree, knowing full well the reason why he wants me to do it, but I didn't say anything. So, Caitlin goes home with one of her friends that happened to go to the same movie, me, Alex, and Audrey get in my car, I tell Alex 70/30 odds that I know the exact reason why Brian didn't want Alex along. We don't go into details cuz Audrey's there, but he agrees. Then as we're driving off, he starts sayin that he knows stuff that Brian's told him that I don't know that would shock me, I'm tellin him no, I've been Brian's best friend for 12 years, there is absolutely nothing I could learn that would shock me, then the conversation turns to Chris and Jen, how we don't think they're mature enough to be together, they're just going to end up screwing like she's done with all her other boyfriends, and she should know better, she's a PK. Okay, we get home, I'm over at Alex's, Brian calls, talks a bit to Alex, then talks to me, I told him I already could hazard a guess as to what he's been up to, he gives me a whole bunch of details, the summary of which is as follows: They go off to Rockfish Park, Brian parks his truck, they start making out, Kat's the one who started it, she starts grinding on him, they both end up topless before they stop, cuz she has to go home. while he's telling me all this, I'm giving Alex the "who-knows-him-best" look, he wants to know what's being said, and I tell him what Brian told me at the beginning, that I'm his best friend and therefore entitled to certain information. Not that I approve of anything Brian did that night. Anyways, Brian came over, and the three of us went out to a field to talk. Brian repeated some of the details to Alex, Brian said he asked her what it meant, to sum it up she said they're going to be f*ck buddies. Anywhat, it's late, so I'm just going to finish this up by inserting a conversation me and Joe had over MSN that night.

Rats, rodents, and the Black Death!! it won't paste....surely there's a way to put something into a blog post....I'll figure it out later. bed time.

amazing....personal record.

yeah, slept in till 3pm. funny, I have to be at work at five, working till close (ick). That's a seven hour shift. At least I get a dinner break. Talked to my cousin Jamie last night, first time in a long time. To demonic angel: well, considering that I'm a senior and I'm going to be graduating in two months, it's not that unusual for me to be thinking about girls and relationships. I know I'm a bit obsessive about it, I've said it before, but I don't care. The only thing I know and care about is that it hurts to be alone. I talked to joe, he said I could send e-mails through him, so I'll do that, and you can do the same if you want, or just e-mail me directly. hmm, I think I'm just going to go ahead and go to work...maybe stop by BAM, get a book or something...

From Zambia-Day Four Mar. 3

TOday we drove to a catholic chirch and showed the Jesus film. AT least 16 got saved. There were so many bugs on the screen that the picture was slightly blurry. I rode in the back of the pickup comeing back, there were a bunch of local kids riding with us, I sang "You are Holy" with one of the girls. Had goat stew and pap tonight. I'm both disgusted and jealous of Justin and Ashley. He's stupid, opinionated, hot-tempered (dangerous combo), she's hot and smart, both are total preps. Disgusting, like my socks right now. Still lonely, not as bad though. Thoughts are getting stronger. May hve to get a couple of people to pray for me. Side note, saw a blotch next to the Milky Way, to the right, 20 deg. from the horizon. Gotta find out what that was. Was saturn out tonight? thought I saw it.

From Zambia-Day Three Mar. 2

Today we went and did the skit for the village, played netball with them. Then we split up. My group went across the lake and showed The Passion to a village there. Four got saved. This guy started talking to Zack and me while we were pissing. he was asking for batteries. strange time for conversation. Got a massive headache. i think Megan likes lucas. no shocker, I guess. I'm still lonely, and this is causing other "thoughts". I'm going to go blow up my defunct float now.

From Zambia-Day Two Mar. 1

Drove forever today to get to the village, mostly dirt roads. Took 10 hrs to het here. People on the road always waved at us. WE set up our hase camp. My pool float that I'm sleeping on has a leak. It's so friggin hot here, even at night. I'm still lonely. The other girl, Jen, she'll never care about me either. Today the guys talked about how much they missed their girls. Except for Justin L., he's got Ashley here. I swear, it hurts worse than anyting. That's what makes me feel so worthless. I'm not worth anyone's love. That's why I'm never going to get it.

From Zambia-Day One Feb. 28

We're at a campsite outseide LIvingstone. We're heading out tomorrow. Plane flight was miserable, couldn't sleep. Now I'm here, 9pm local, 2pm EST, watching people in the pool. So depressing. I had hoped my loneliness would leave me, but it's only stronger. I hear guys talking about how their girls cried when they left. And I'm watching two girls I like in the pool. Oh well, I'll never, or rather, they'll never care about me, especially Megan, so I'll just go back to my tent. Why do I have to feel so worthless?