I'm done

Well done that is. I've been on the grill for a while, figuratively speaking. was up till 1am this morning working on that introduction for the research project. Got up this morning to study for the World Religions test, don't think I did well on this one either...though, as long as I did better than the last one, I'll be happy. I have another test that I can do well on in that class. hmm...I hear music...why, I don't know...this isn't the FAB...anyways. Spent last evening with Megan as usual. We watched V for Vendetta. Always a good movie. Almost got caught by the RD giving her a back massage. Ooh, how scandalous, lol. Okay, now that I've written a note to Phillip about the projector in 218...I'm going to get my face painted by Megan tonight. She's going to paint the Phantom's mask on my face, since the plastic one she bought me doesn't fit. Then I'm going to put on my tux and a cape and we're going to have a picture taken together, since she's dressed up for a masquerade ball. Rats. Bored again. Have to come in later tonight to clock out because yesterday, when I clocked in, the clock was not set for Daylight Savings Time, but when I clocked out, it was, so I lost an hour. Dr. Durham said I could clock out an hour later without working to make up for it so she wouldn't have to do all the paperwork to get my time card fixed. Should have done it an hour earlier, so that I wouldn't have to come back. Dang, I'm tired. Don't know why. I took a nap to make up for the lost sleep last night. I just want to sleep though. sleep...

dread, dread

Tonight. Yes, I'm still spending it with Megan, that's not the part I dread. I'm dreading the late night I'm going to have. I didn't put my paper stuff on my flashdrive, so I can't work on it while I'm at work...well, I suppose I could take notes on that last article, I suppose that would be somewhat of a help. So, I've got to finish my part of the paper, and study for that World Religions test that is tomorrow. At least I just finished the online quizzes, so I don't have to do those. But yes, still will be late, it will probably take me a couple of hours just to finish the paper, then maybe an hour of studying.

Hmm, let me try to find something positive about today...well, obviously, I get to spend time with Megan this evening, I've still got to go out and rent a movie for us to watch. I think I did well on the CJ test, there were only a few things I didn't know. Could I possibly have made an A? That would be awesome, it would probably pull my grade up to a B. We're singing a song in choir called "Stomp Your Foot"...an Aaron Copeland piece...it was going fine till about page 15, and then it fell apart completely. And we're supposed to sing this piece for the Fall Concert, which is next tuesday.

well, now that I can continue...I was helping out with a class here in the lab, having to run the projector that was hooked up to the computer I was originally using...so for a second, my post was up on the screen for the whole class to see, just before I saved it and closed out. Thankfully they didn't seem to have noticed...although, it's not like there was anything embarrassing in this post. wow, it's almost 5pm already. Today is going by fast. Better get to work on that one article I can do.

ack

My hair is too long, and my sideburns are getting poofy...but I'm sure you wanted to know that. Lifetime Wellness was cancelled today...some guy came in and told us. He also said it was cancelled Friday...again. Maybe I can go by the bowling alley to get my ball redrilled...my church group might go bowling in a couple of weekends, and I don't want to be stuck using a house ball again.

Megan and I discussed something that Dr. Taylor talked about in his class. He showed a "60 Minutes" recording about homosexuality (remember, this is a general psychology class...why he would be showing this video is beyond me) that concerned why a person was homosexual. It was basically saying that if there is an influx of the opposite hormone into the womb when the baby is close to birth, it can make them homosexual...opposite hormone being testosterone if the baby is female, and estrogen if it is male. Why this would happen, I don't know. Her point was that, one, he shouldn't be teaching that homosexuality is a condition, not a choice, because he's at a Christian university, and that idea is opposite to what the Bible says, and two...well, I forgot what two was.

Anyway, I made a point that the condition is probably very rare, as I have never heard of it before...though, I suppose I could ask my mom about it, as she is a nurse educator who works with mothers and babies. Anyways, assuming it is rare, the rate of such occurrences probably is not enough to explain the number of homosexuals in the world. A second point is that the experiment was done on rats. Do we know that it happens in humans? it would take decades to find out, even if such an experiment could be done. It can't be done on humans, of course, because it would be unethical. I have found, through previous research, a website that is unbiased on this particular topic http://narth.com

anywhat, I think i've ranted enough. Time to find other things to do.

it's working again

Indeed, Blogger is. I get to get out of here at 7:30pm so that I can go to that piano recital. hmm...that means I have less than an hour left to go! Let's see...ah, the World Religions test was pushed back to next Tuesday, so that means I have enought time to study for my CJ test that's on Friday. I am determined to make an A on that. Going to start studying tomorrow night, study thursday, and study friday between spanish and CJ...which reminds me, I have a spanish test the same day, so I'll be studying hard Thursday, plus the D20 campaign is that night...so I'll have to study early. Aside from that, Megan came over last night, and we finished "The Princess Bride".

Guess I want to write a little bit about last night. This is only going on this blog because no one reads it. Anyways, as always, we cuddled up during the movie. When we finished, she gave me that back massage she promised me. She told me to roll over, and she put her hand under my shirt and rubbed my chest and stomach. Then she got on top of me and started kissing my neck. God, that always feels so good, especially on the left side. She also kissed my stomach some, like I do for her. That feels good too, but I did admit to her that I like the neck more. We made out some, at first with her on top, then me with me on top of her. I kissed her neck, collarbone, chest, then moved down to her belly. That's her favorite. But anyways, after that, we just cuddled up and fell asleep for a while...well, dozed is more like it. Neither of us wanted to leave, but we had to. I took her back to her dorm, and that was that.

Anything else of significance? I actually went all the way to Marshbanks for dinner tonight, went with Rhone. Believe it or not, I actually did my spanish homework this time, so I'll be able to turn it in tomorrow. Hmm...perhaps I should print off the rest of my CJ notes...we'll probably go over them tomorrow.

Blogger seems to be broken. so, I'll have to put this on there later. Rats. That also means I can't do my movie review of "The Prestige". Have to do that later too. Maybe tomorrow to pass the time. Good news. I get to leave work early tomorrow to go to that recital. Trust me, the recital is more interesting than work.

Spent some time with Megan last night. She had a migraine, so I didn't bother to show her my paper, since I didn't have a hard copy. I'm really nervous about how the paper is going to go over. I think I did a good job, but I heard he's really hard on the papers. I have to get at least a B on it. I'd like to make an A on the test on Friday. That would be great, probably pull me up to a B in the class, and that's all I need. I think there's also a World Religions test on Thursday. Taoism, Confucianism, and Zoroastrianism. Oh, yeah, and Sikhism. Don't ask me what they are, I don't know. I'll have to figure it out before the test though. That's another class I need a B in. I have one, just need to maintain it.

Onto happier things...Megan is coming over tonight, we're going to finish "The Princess Bride". Good movie so far. I hope she's feeling better today. Sometimes her migraines can last for a few days. Hmm...what else to say, other than I have two more hours left at work. That sucks. Heck, at 5pm, the place is covered. We have two people here right now, including me, and at 5pm, there's someone else coming in to replace the girl that's leaving. I would love to be able to take a nap right now. But I'll stop complaining.

something to do

That's all this is for me, really, these days. A little under two hours to waste. I could be writing my CJ paper, but my excuse is that I don't have the money to print off the article so I can highlight stuff. I'll do that tomorrow between Research Methods and choir. I'll probably work the whole time, and hopefully get some writing done over the weekend...though, I'm not sure how much I'll get done, considering that Brian is coming over. I just thought I had more time, I guess I looked at the syllabus wrong, I found out today that it's due Monday, not next Friday, like I thought.

I hate that air conditioner. It's perfectly fine in here, and then it comes on. Well, that's good, it turned off again. I wish I could take a nap. Probably need to do laundry tonight. I kinda miss Megan. I didn't get to spend Monday night with her, so it's been a while since we've had time alone together. Maybe she'll be willing to come over tomorrow night. She says she wants to show me "The Princess Bride"...which I haven't seen. I know, I'm sad. Hmm...well, I forgot, we did spend some time together Sunday night in her lobby. Perhaps I'm just pathetic for missing her after so short a time. But that doesn't change it. I love her, so it's only natural that I want to spend time with her, right?

Rats, it's only been twenty minutes...I still have an hour and a half to go! So...so...bored...

This is...

Post #250. I'm starting to have a big blog...well, it's only #106 on my MySpace blog, but this is Blogger I'm talking about. So, what should I say in it? Bryan and I attended that Halo 2 tournament last night. We're going to give a refurbished iPod Nano to the winner. It was fun to watch, and we got plenty of volunteers. However, we kind of had to ditch testing at the one hour mark, because no one wanted to stay around that long. But I think it is sufficient for our purposes to have only two groups: the ones tested immediately after playing, and the ones tested the next day. I'm supposed to have a couple of people see me this evening to be tested. Hopefully they don't forget.

I plan to start on my article summary for Criminal Justice tomorrow at work. I really don't feel like it, but if I can get a page done everyday, it won't be so bad. Only has to be five pages. The real fun is going to be the intro and method rough draft for Research Methods. Intro has to be about five to seven pages. I'm thinking of asking Bryan to do that, and I'll do the Method.

Well, it's another boring night at work. Been raining all day, and Robin came in a few minutes ago to tell me to shut the computers down in case it storms. It's not like anyone's going to come in on a night like this, why even keep the place open? Wait...I see a computer that's still on...ok, that's taken care of. hmm...I seem to be feeling somewhat depressed...thinking about kickboxing and my book. For some reason, that's depressing me. oh, what to do while I'm here...still have an hour and a half. I'll figure something out. What, I don't know. Just know that this job is boring.

it's a Monday

What can I say? Very busy day, mondays...particularly today. Five classes, work, and the Halo tournament that we have to go to so that we can test the players. Somewhere in here, I have to fit in eating and showering. I think I can manage though. after work, I have to run over to the cafeteria before it closes so I can eat, run up to my room and shower, run to the library and make some copies...actually, a lot of copies. Have to make copies of the assessment test. Oh, how was my Fall break? Took Rhone to his aunt's, went to my dad's, came home on Friday, hung out with drew and alex, came up to Campbell on Saturday morning, went to Elon and sang. Those little kids that composed stuff were really good. They made our piece seem elementary. Then, when we got back to Campbell, I decided to go back home even though my mom wasn't there, and saw Man of the Year with Alex. Bought another copy of FFX, bought another copy of that Chevelle CD, bought a tactical baton (finally)...and now I'm here at work with thirty minutes to go. Too bad I don't get to spend tonight with Megan...it's her birthday, but the tournament could not be moved back. However, I did get to finish Phantom of the Opera with her last night in her lobby. And I gave her a poem I wrote for her. She said it was an excellent birthday present, so I hope she's happy now. I'll try to find time to call her before the tournament, if only for a minute. Well, I think I'll play some solitaire now...

more discussion

Well, I did write megan that letter...perhaps I'd better post it in here so that you can see...
*************************************************************************************

Well, I promised you that I would tell you something tomorrow, tell you what I was thinking about. Here it is. I'm really sorry I didn't do anything special for your birthday. I hope you'll understand my perspective though. One, I didn't know that you were expecting a second celebration of your birthday with me after this weekend that we were supposed to spend together and do something for your birthday. I just thought you wanted me there so that you could spend it with me. Well, that sounds a tad bit self-absorbed, but I hope you can tell what I mean. Two, I'm not used to special, original birthdays. Since probably about middle school, I haven't had a "special" birthday with the exception of my seventeenth, which was spent in NYC on that chorus trip, and I got to eat at Jekyll and Hyde (that wasn't specifically for my birthday, but they did tell the staff that it was my birthday, so I got a cake thing). I had even forgotten it was my birthday. My family has never really held big, special birthday things for people. It's usually just a cake, and a few gifts, a special dinner, that sort of thing.
Anyways, I'm not trying to make excuses, just trying to help you understand me a little better. I'm sorry that you feel like I don't care. I really do, and I hope you believe me. It hurts me to think that everything I've done over the past few months hasn't communicated that well enough. I guess I'm just feeling somewhat inadequate, you know? I will try harder in the future, okay?

I love you deeply, passionately, and forever. Don't ever forget that.

**********************************************************************************

There. Judge for yourself. Anyways, we had another disagreement over this. She felt I was making an excuse, even though I said I wasn't. She also thought that I might have been saying that I am the way I am, and I wouldn't change, so she'd have to accept that. So therefore, she didn't understand why I wrote all that. We both parted on somewhat of a sour note, but she called me when I got back to my room, and, in a moment of clarity, I was able to explain myself. Basically, the reason I listed the stuff about me was because I was hoping she wouldn't judge me so harshly if she knew that I was not accustomed to doing special birthdays. I also said that I knew I was wrong in not planning anything, and that I would try harder in the future, as the letter says. She was satisfied with that, and finally understood. So, we're both happy now.

Though, I guess there is something else I want to say that's been on my mind. I know she loves me, but I wish she was more demonstrative, physically speaking. I'm always the one initiating hugs, kisses, hand holding. It's just kind of frustrating, but I'm afraid to bring it up with her for fear she would misunderstand me or something. It would just make me feel like she cared more, loved me more, you know? Just like me doing something special and original for her would make her feel.

Well, I'm done ranting. 25 minutes and I'm leaving. Dr. Engel had better show up so that I can leave on time. I still have to pack, and then I have to drop Rhone off before I can go to my dad's. Maybe I'll play some solitaire to pass the time...

hmm...

New blogger version. Ebaumsworld.com has a new format too. Well, last night Megan and I got into it again...she was disappointed that I hadn't done anything original for her birthday. I really don't want to get into it, but I am going to write her an apology letter.

I plan to go to my dad's this weekend, but I'm not sure what time I can leave tomorrow. Depends on what time the lab closes. I'm hoping that I don't have to work at all tomorrow. Otherwise, I probably won't get there till about 9pm. Rhone is going with me, I'm going to drop him off at his aunt's house. FFX keeps freezing up right where I get to Bevelle. I went to walmart and sam goody's to try to find a new copy, but they don't have it. SO...I'll have to look around this weekend to see if I can find it. Well, I'm really out of stuff to say...wait, no I'm not. I went to Megan's over the weekend. Spent a cold Saturday at the golf tournament. Really the only bright spots of the weekend were watching Clue and the time I spent with just Megan. Anyways, now I'm out of stuff to say.

"I'm getting better..."

"No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment." Not really. but I am doing a bit better today. Perhaps it was just drainage the other night. Perhaps I'm not really sick. Well, anyway. Went over to Megan's last night, had dinner with her. Had a little discussion, she was being very distant, is what I told her. Basically, she feels that no one understands what she's going through. I told her that people care and some even understand, it's just that they think that she wants to be distracted from those thoughts, so they don't offer much in the way of compassion. Anyway, she eventually decided that she wanted me to stay there, but she didn't want to watch Milo and Otis, being a movie about animals. We watched "Arsenic and Old Lace" instead. Awesome movie. Very funny. Highly recommended. argh, still have 45 minutes here at work. sucks. I'm out of stuff to write too. Wish I could take a nap. Of course, I've felt that way all day because I left my meds at home this weekend, just got them back this afternoon. Being without my meds makes me tired and irritable. *sigh* well, I'm out of stuff to say for now.

pain...

In throat....don't know if I caught what Megan had...certainly spent enough time with her this past week. She came home with me this past weekend. Friday night, we were going to go to an improv show, but it was cancelled. Instead, we watched an Abbott and Costello movie that I had. Went to the mall on saturday, she was disturbed at how small it was...kind of funny in that she always says she's a country girl, but she's used to multi-story malls. Watched "Spaceballs" with Alex and her. Had dinner, went to Grandma's and walked the dogs. Had a fight Sunday morning because she assumed that all churches started at 10am, and I didn't tell her that ours started at 9:30am, so she was late getting ready, so I decided we weren't going to sunday school, just the main service. She was mad at me for that, and then when it was time to go, I went to tell her, and she just ignored me, though, she did stop reading after a minute and left with us. Anyways, that was settled by the end of church though. She was scared by our church...too big, we used projectors and video screens, had drums, sang contemporary songs, etc. And heaven forbid, we took up the offering at the END of the service rather than the beginning. Anyways, we came back yesterday, her parents brought her repaired refrigerator back, and her mom then told her that one of her dogs died last week. She was very upset by this, still is, to the best of my knowledge...though, I guess I'll find out tonight. We went out to dinner with her parents and grandparents, then went to walmart.

We're going to watch Milo and Otis in her room tonight. kids movie? perhaps. But it was one of my favorites. did you know that it took four years to make? yeah, longer than any of the star wars movies. but anyways, I think I'm done. only have 15 minutes left of work, awesome.