A bit of musing...

On my walk over to the library, I sort of fell into one of my contemplative moods. The topic tonight? My place in the world. Obviously, I'm not going to come to the answer overnight, but I'd at least like to write down my thoughts.

As frequently occurs, a movie quote popped into my head. Unfortunately, I can't quote it by heart, but the gist of it is as follows. In The Two Towers, Pippin says to Merry something like "It's too big for us. what can we do in the end?" This thought pattern is the curse of those who want to do something to change the world, but simply cannot. People who know that the world has problems, people who recognize what those problems are...many people are plagued by a sense of insignificance and inability. I am one of them.

To be completely honest (although by now, I suspect you know this about me), the problem with the world is other people. It's a rather egocentric thing to say, I know. But think about it. How many of society's problems are caused by those people in power who aren't thinking of the common good? How many problems are caused by people who are thinking of the common good, who honestly want to improve the lives of others on a massive scale, but aren't going about it the right way?

A disturbing truth was pointed out in "Wicked: The Musical": Most leaders aren't leaders because of their intelligence and personal maturity. They are leaders because they are popular. They have "charisma". Charisma is dangerous in the hands of someone who lacks intelligence and maturity.

I guess, before I go any further, I should define these two concepts. Intelligence, I think, is self-explanatory, though I should say that I'm referring to well-rounded intelligence, not just subject specific intelligence. Maturity is a lot of things. Part of it is experience, but that's usually never the problem. True self-confidence is necessary, and it stems from the ability to admit that you're wrong without feeling that doing so makes you a lesser person. That's also known as open-mindedness. I think that's where we've nailed the problem. Oh, sure, leaders are "confident"...but they also hate to be wrong. In fact, they usually refuse to consider it. This is just one symptom of a broader disease that infects all of humanity: Selfishness.

Selfishness is not just thinking of yourself before others. It is viewing yourself as more important, even to the extent of refusing to consider others entirely. This not only applies to physical/material needs, but also to opinions and feelings. I'm referring to people who have to be right, who feel that if someone tells them they are wrong, it is an attack on their character. It truly frightens me, the number of people out there who are like this. Of course, confront them with this viewpoint, and they will immediately deny it, because people don't like to look at their faults. They would rather believe they have no faults.

So now, back to me. Confronted with all of this selfishness in the world, not to mention in myself, I come close to despair. It's been hard enough to change myself, and I'm still not done. Even as a counselor, where I will help people become mentally and emotionally healthy individuals, how much can I really do? I want to do more, but I think I can't, and the enormity of the task overwhelms me. Should I write a book about this? I could, but the people who would need to read it the most never would, because, as I said a second ago, they "have no faults". It makes me want to give up on this world and take the chance that there is an afterlife. I know I can't though. Too much of me doesn't want to give up. Too much of me wants to live for those few that I can impact. Perhaps if I cleverly disguised it in fiction...

So, yes, I've started a story...kinda. More like I've written a scene. Synopsis? A group of psychologists have studied the factors that determine why people form relationships with certain people. This, of course, has been done many times. It's the similarities that matter the most. Opposites don't form lasting relationships. This group, however, believes the factors to be too superficial. They believe in a "human essence" that is in all of us, that could allow us to connect with anyone. What would it take to get two very dissimilar strangers to bond to each other, then? They embark on a highly unethical and criminal experiment, kidnapping two young adults, a guy and a girl, and through various physical and mental tortures, try to force them to bond to each other of their own will. I'm aware that I contradicted myself. Let me try again. They hope that by suffering together, the two will bond over their shared experience, one seeing the humanity of the other and recognizing that superficial issues shouldn't matter...only that they are human, and to survive in this world, they must care about their fellow humans, no matter who they are.

And I'm losing my train of thought and becoming incoherent, so I'll stop. Perhaps if you ask, I'll give you a reading of the monologue by one of the characters that explains this better.