well, that was a failure

yep. To keep it brief, I believed Jamie, my mom still does not, so she won't take her to St. Louis with us. Just to make her sound generous, she offered to take anyone else that would go, but hey, who's gonna pick up and go to St. Louis for a week with my family with less than two weeks notice? No one I know. It's summer, people already got plans. Now, this is the same group that I went with to Branson....I believe it was in the July archives that I posted about that, but....well, let me check, because I'm not sure...no, it's in the June archives. You know, Brian brought up an interesting point the other day...he told me, well, first, know that he just got started on the same stuff I'm on for his hallucinations, so now he's practically normal when he's fully medicated, but anyway, he said sometimes he longs for the pain of depression. Funnily enough, I do to sometimes. A love/hate sort of thing, I suppose. Ooh, gives me chills to think about what I'm going into in a couple of weeks...that incredibly dark, silent hole of isolation. You know, I hope my mom stopped reading my blog a long time ago....I feel as if I have no privacy from her....and of course, she feels completely shut out. Tough for her. Don't care. If that's what makes me comfortable, then, damnit, that's the way it's going to be. She needs to get over it, divorce that bastard she's married to and find someone that will give her the companionship she wants.
Well, going to see the shrink again....damn, I told him I'd bring him prom pics, but mom never took them off her camera....I'll have to fix that tomorrow. maybe I'll discuss with him Jamie's situation. Damn, I can't wait till St. Louis. I can't even remember the last time I felt that much pain, I'm rather looking forward to the experience.