insert ho hum sound effect here
yeah, because that's what sort of day it's been. Got up, ate and dressed, then went to Mrs. Trevino's house for the "senior party"....yeah, some party. I watched jordan and Jason play chess, watched Family Matters reruns, ate a hot dog and watched some girls get thrown into the pool by Josh, wrote a poem, and left. fairly depressing. sorta like the dream I had last night. rather random and confusing, but the gist of it was watching Jennifer Lopez beat up this blonde girl with marc anthony (that's her husband, right?) standing off to the side just watching, all of this taking place in the Roman Coliseum, and I was watching it on TV with some people, and we were trying to figure out a way to stop the fight before the blonde girl got hurt. I remember wanting to burn down the coliseum. I wonder why physical violence against women bothers me so much. I makes me sick, angry, want to cry, all at the same time. makes me very depressed. I think I'll actually bother to explore the possible reasons. I wrote one time that needing a relationship isn't just about needing to be loved, it's about needing to love someone. So, that would explain my desire to help a girl that is being hurt or is in pain...it is an act of love. Also, I think that by helping them, they will like me, that there maybe, since they have a definitely good first impression of me, there might be a possibility of the kind of relationship I want so badly. Last helping people takes my mind off of my own problems. *sigh*, I beg and plead for God to help me out, and I never get the answer I want, and then I try to get it for myself, and it just never works. Catch 22. I'm stuck waiting for God to do a miracle that He might never do. there's hope for you. everyday I go on, and it's miserable. Life without love isn't worth the effort. yes, for those who wonder, I do have parents that love me, but they cannot support me in ways that I need support. heh, seems like no one can. No one can....or rather, no one will.
posted by Cyrus @ 12:10 AM
1 Comments:
The wild life of a senior. Its almost too much for my frosie ears to bear. haha. Though I would've liked to see some girls be thrown into a pool.... sounds very entertaining. I figured out that math problem by the way.... your way is the easiest. :D Your comment on waiting for God made me think of a poem someone gave me... I'll post it here if its not too long:
~WAIT~
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried:
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I plead and I wept for a clue to my fate
And the Master so gently said,
"Child, you must wait."
"Wait? You say, wait!" my indignant reply
Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heard?
By faith, I have asked, and am claiming Your word.
My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the blance, and YOU tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a "Yes" a go-ahead sign,
Or even a "No" to which I can resign
And Lord, You promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
"I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!"
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting... for what?"
He seemed, then, to kneel
And His eyes wept with mine
And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.
All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be
You would have what you want -
But, you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You'd not know the power I give to the faint;
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me;
When darkness and silence were all you could see
You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I slave, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have last.
You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee
What it means that "My grace is sufficient for thee."
Yes, your dreams, precious loved one
Overnight would come true
But, Oh the Loss! If I lost what I'm doing in you!
So, be silent, My child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still, "wait".
--Author Unknown
And I know this seems dumb and retarded and shallow, but its true: Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. The last freedom given to a person in any given circumstance is the power to choose their reaction.
Hm... listen to me preach... lol. 'I often give myself very good advice, but I seldom follow it.' lol.
-Serena
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