I'm roasting

Someone, just turn on the A/C in the dorms, we're cooking alive in here. It's April and the heat is still on. Felt pretty low last night. Went back and read that conversation with Katie where she broke up with me. Probably stupid, but I did it anyway. I'm having another night where I feel like cutting. It's only been two weeks, and I feel like it again. Just stressed and frustrated and lonely. Got two projects that are due within two weeks, haven't started on them. Was going to start my psychology paper tonight, but I want to ask Dr. Viehe a question first. I want to do it on cutting, but the book has nothing on cutting, and part of the paper has to be on what the book says about the issue. Damn, I want to cut so bad...but the window's open, and I don't want anyone to see...I just wish someone could help me. I'm so friggin lonely...and I hate how pathetic I sound. I hate me in general. But you already know this...."I know a life like mine is not a reason to fret, but I've been busy building scars that you will never forget..." I really wish I could cut, or just die. I'm not looking forward to the life of miserable loneliness that I am going to have. I know what you're thinking, that I'm too pessimistic. Prove me wrong. You can't. If God wants me to live this life, that's His business, but that doesn't mean that I have to like it. I'm listening to "Eternal" by Evanescence...wish it really was storming, I'd go out and sit in it. Maybe I'd get struck by lightning and die. But unfortunately, God apparently doesn't want me dead...He won't let me kill myself, he won't let me die of natural causes, he won't let someone else kill me in a car accident, just won't let me die. Why? I want to be dead. I want my life to end. *sigh*...I've just been begging God for a miracle. that's what it will take. I think I'll just go to bed. No one reads this garbage anyway, and if they do, they probably don't care.