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well, it's early Saturday morning, apparently....I'm over at Alex's and Brian's staying too. Hmm, what to write about. Well, with that new recording system, it messed up my comp to where I can't use my speakers without running them throught the recording system. I went bowling the other day, managed to get a 225. my last day of work is Monday, thank God. Just gotta work tomorrow night and 4-7 on sunday. Maybe monday night too. you know, I'm getting depressed again, but I like it. I don't know why I'm like that. I want to hit bottom. maybe even dig deeper. It's just I feel like my life has no value....well, let me rephrase....it has no value to me. I know there are people that value me greatly, but I don't really care....you can say I take it for granted, and I don't care. Sometimes I think the only reason I don't kill myself is for my dog. He's the one thing or person in my life that never fails me, never makes me mad, never gets mad at me, completely loyal, etc. No wonder people like dogs. A lot of times, they're better than people. oh,why lie to myself....well, I haven't been lying, but I've been avoiding it, because I know it, you know it, so I don't even need to bother discussing it, because you know one of the problems in my life, my fear of being alone, my need for companionship....I'm so f*cking weak. That's another reason I hate myself. and don't forget, my life is valueless because I have no purpose. I have accomplished nothing. my academic achievements, relationships, job, etc, everything that someone might consider an accomplishment, really mean nothing. I feel like I'm writing a modern Ecclesiastes. but it is true. God has yet to give me a purpose. I'm supposedly packed full of potential, and it's all going to waste. My capacity for knowledge, and I waste it on school, and I will waste it on learning to sell drugs to sick people and old people. My deep, deep capacity for love, and the only thing I spend it on is a dog. The only thing I can spend it on is a dog. damn. Brian wants to go outside, so I think I'll cater to him.