it's almost over....I think I can live....

We just got back from Branson...again. Saw the Cirque there. It was better than I was expecting. Of course, I've seen Cirque du Soleil, so it will never be "awesome". The only thing they did better than CDS's "Quidam" (the only one I've seen) is their German Wheel act, and their parallel of Aerial Hoops. I found their costumes and decoration and everything to be to bright, complicated, and overall, distracting. In the realm of music, they're nowhere close to Quidam. In Quidam, I was as much engaged by the music as the show itself. And let's not forget that girl that sang in Quidam. I doubt I will ever hear a singer that good ever again. Such a beautiful, clear voice. And she was only in her early teens, it appeared.
Well, how I held up this time. I've cried myself to sleep the past two nights. I'm so pathetic, I know that's what you're thinking. What 17 yr old guy would cry? Well, I do. That's just me. I don't cry much, but when I'm feeling suicidal, I do, because I know that I'm too much of a coward to kill myself by any other means than by a gun, which I don't have. So I realize that there's nothing I can do to end my suffering, and that brings on such emotional suffering that you can't even begin to imagine if you haven't experienced it yourself.
I just need to be around some people my age that'll talk to me. This trip has been hell on me because I've had no one to talk to. I'm going home tomorrow though, going bowling with my youth group on Sunday night, maybe that'll help. That's only a temporary salve though.....I need a permanent solution to my loneliness....just don't know if I'll ever find one.